Google: friend or foe?

I've always been someone who needs to know answers. When I was growing up I was constantly asking questions. Questions about everything. I used to drive my parents nuts on long car trips! Mum told me that if they could have afforded it, they would have bought me a set of encyclopedias to save all the questioning they endured! Those were the days before wikipedia and google of course.

Fast forward in time twentyish years, and here I am, the same girl, with an insatiable desire for answers to my questions. My questions have changed a lot over the years, but there are still so many questions! And I can't rest til I have answers. So, with the dawn of the digital age, the internet and answers immediately available at my fingertips, I am in heaven! Well, so I would have thought. The answers to my questions still go unanswered sometimes, and other times the answers are very unsatisfactory. Also, I have a tendancy towards being a worrier and slightly paranoid, so a little bit of knowledge can be a dangerous thing! Let me illustrate this with an amusing parenting story.

About a year and a half ago, I was reading a Jodi Piccoult book about a child with leukemia. So, as I had read this FICTIONAL book on the symptoms of leukaemia, of course I felt like I knew a bit about the disease. A couple of weeks after I read the book I was bathing the kids. I noticed Matthew (3yrs at the time) had a small bruise on the back of his neck. Immediately I thought of the book, where the mother first noticed bruises on her child, which led her to find out about the leukemia. I thought to myself, "Now Stephanie, don't panic. It's just a bruise. Kids get bruises all the time. Don't get carried away." But I couldn't let it rest. That night as the kids went to sleep I googled leukemia. Well, that was not a great idea. It sent me into a slight panic, as Matty had a couple of the symptoms - pale, sleeps a lot, bruises. I had enough sense to not book a Dr's appt straight away, but armed with this new information I was worried. I thought I'd just wait a while and see if any other symptoms developed. Two or so weeks later, while bathing the kids, I noticed another small bruise in the same spot on his neck. My heart started beating faster. All the information I knew about leukemia came rushing back and I was scared. I looked closer at the bruise and touched it. The mark started to wipe away. I grabbed the washer and rubbed, and the bruise had gone! I then realised what it was. Matty had started preschool that year and I had dutifully written his name on the tags of all his clothes. As it was summer and he was sweaty, the texta had rubbed off onto his neck. Needless to say I was relieved, and vowed never to panic myself via google again!

But, old habits take a while to break. So being laid up as I am, it's hard not to google the words "incompetent cervix" and see what you get. I've read wonderful stories and stories of heartbreak and pain. I know a lot about the condition technically and the different treaments they use around the world for it. I've read countless online forums and personal blogs and stories. And I have so much inforamtion and answers. But, it doesn't comfort me. I thought it would. But this is my life, not someone elses. There are no guarantees, no real answers, just wait and see.

I've come to realise that knowing answers and more information isn't necessarily a good thing. Google is not my friend. It promises so much, but ultimately I am unsatisfied. I know it sounds silly, but I've just realised that google is not God. It can't give me comfort or any real hope. That can only come from God. I've realised my sinfulness in my constant craving for answers. I'm not trusting in God enough. Only in God can I find comfort and hope. Whatever happens. Whether my story turns out to be a wonderful one, or one of pain, it's God that is there and will give me the strength to get through it.

I can put my trust in the One who does know all the answers. I never will. But there is immense comfort and relief that the one in control of my life does know it all and will be there with through the good times and the bad. It feels like a weight lifted off my shoulders when I reflect on this.

Google, I may still use you from time to time, but God, you will be my rock, the answer to my fears and the One in whom I trust.